Searching, thinking, reminding….

What’s running my mind, lot of things, simultaneously, like many waves lashing the shores, one after the other, non-stop. Where to start and where to end, when thought process overflows. Its like I have been holding my breadth for a while now and I finally exhaled! I can’t even say I have exhaled it fully, because there seems to be leftovers.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and grounded into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. Some decisions we want to take but since our decisions affect many specially when it comes to family, we are chained not to take it, though heart of hearts we feel we need to change. Compulsion, responsibility do change your entire living.

When my options are closed, I feel worthless, one friend says I set preconditions. Anyway, sometimes all of us feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE YOU. I just want to remember this: Amateurs Built The Ark and Professionals Built The Titanic!

Husband Vs Wife

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realised that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied , " in-laws"



W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

THE TIME

The humble and the most punitive beast in today's world is... Any guesses, Yes you are right, it is the TIME. Most of us take this beast for granted. One thing I have realised that I must enjoy the present moment and if not now then when!!Sometimes, whether we like it or now, rules have to be obeyed. This especially goes for the single thing like the TIMEI have enjoyed my moments of dodging time and playing with it promiscuously. I have had a great deal of fun cheating time and living by the moment. And then when I woke up one fine day, I realised that it was not time I was dodging, but myself….I guess one should not gamble unless one can live with the loss if things don’t work out the way you had hoped!

But all said and done, I still reminisce the nice era when me and my buddy TIME were inseparable.

There have been times when I pray for certain phases in my life to vanish from my memory, but actually I am wrong, those phases which have gone by have taught me lots of things. Victory, defeat, hurt, happiness, sadness,love, care, affection, reciprocation, patience, anger, laughter, elusion, emotions, ignorance, relationships and many more. an endless list of things, if only we ponder , we can realise how valvuable this 'beast' has been. As they say there will be a TIME when you realise how important few things are in life.

TIME is simple yet so complicated. Sometimes, it doesnt matter how hard you try and get close, TIME always eludes you - but then at other times, no matter how much you try to stay away, you are sucked in by the vortex!!! And then there is always the case where you just know you care and comforted by the fact that TIME is alsways there till you hit the grave.

Sentimental trash

As I say bye to one more past and openly hug the new one cast. I hope and pray today shall bring lots of happiness and songs to sing that your presence in my life shall fill for all that this year made so nil and in every moment that means much pain, joy, triumph.

Everyday I look forward to something new, something exciting, something as fresh as a lily. Expectations after expectations. One special wish, I want it to come true:

Once in a while I want to revisit my past and freeze those moments.

I WANT TO BE POSTITIVE!!!

Drama queen goes on and on…

Work wise September and October till day has been a killer for me… Almost to reach November looks as depressing as ever....without sounding much like a drama queen...I really do need a break,...and November promises to provide me just that....so in the meantime.. I plan to grit my teeth and see November, December through... Mom is arriving from Delhi, should I be happy or not. Don’t know? Any clues?

You can see the veteran drama queen at my place, essentially analysing the kind of living I am in and would wait till my husband goes to sleep or becomes busy with his TV and creepily ask Is everything okay?

Will start of with her stories, some interesting and some boring, she would also like to do the wackiest things possible like Ten Downing, Bhul Bhooliya, shopping, beauty parlour, visit relatives and friends place (not so exciting) and more importantly would do a investigation on my wardrobe, probably need to hide few stuff of mine. I have this policy of not lending my clothes to her but when she comes the first thing I do open her bag and try to take as many sarees and salwars and jewellery. What a daughter! Hey she is coming from Delhi, she can buy whatever she wants when she goes back, may be would like to join her. Hopefully…

Things I want to do before I kick the bucket

1. I want many to read my blog and comment, encourage me please, specially Faheeda Fahad

1a. Shed kilos.....become thin and wear all kinds of clothes ;)

2. May be if I have the mood would have another kid...if god willing a daughter

3. Learn how to swim well.. I think its a ultra cool sport

4. Tell my boss whatever I wanted to say ;)

5. One thing which I wanted to do for a long time, I know you guys can think I am gone crazy, thats ok: Since I was in the 11th and we used to hang out in the beach all the time.. I want to snatch some kadalai, Manga from the cart and run...:)

6. Run on the streets of Chennai and not give a dam who's looking. Knee or Kick some asshole in the balls who gropes me on the road / bus / any public place.... and how I wish I could do the same with the meniacs in Orkut who ask for request with an ulterior motive.

7. A romantic evening with my crush...

8. Go on a shopping spree and splurge an obscene amount of money in a very short while… (Well my hubby has been accommodative all this while, may be I am testing his patience. Perfumes and clothes and slippers are top on the list.

8. Drive a Merc on the ECR road.

9. Take my hubby where ever I want to go, he must just nod all the time, when I say I want to go here, there and everywhere. Wow what fun will it be huh!!!

10. Educate my maid's kid

11. Will surely donate my eyes for those special children. I am seriously contemplating this too and am hoping this can be done

12. Just wanting do an item number with SRK

13. Buy my father one of those "around the world in 80days" kind of packages

14. Become one of those fitness enthusiasts, who make it a point to work out regularly and watch what they eat...

15. Last but not the least.... tell every person I know what exactly I think of them (both good and bad) and not worry about the consequences :)

Beat the stress this way

Crying makes you feel really better, believe me, it is the best stress reliever. Anti-depressants, chocolates or shopping might not work all the time. One would feel really light after crying, in fact whatever reasons you had cried for becomes so silly. The world looks more better and warm. It’s like sometimes so inexplicable to reason out many things in life. When I feel really low, I don’t know tears just roll down after which I feel the new ‘Me’in me. The anger also subsides.

Of late many things put me off, I want to be left alone, some place where no one recognises me. A complete stranger to all those around, where I don’t have to pretend to smile, talk or even laugh for things which I don’t enjoy at all. I honestly feel if you want to be nice to someone it should come from your heart and not do for the sake of being cordial. Whatever I do I make it a point not to pretend but when am I not reciprocated the same way, its bloody frustrating. I feel nothing can be mended. I hope to get out of this phase as soon as possible. I am just going to maintain a low profile till then. Hopefully undisturbed! Sorry state of affairs.

About Orkut
Initially, I was very excited about Orkut, probably because felt I could get in touch with my old friends, that was the idea of getting into this community first, Now, if anything that puts me off the most I will list Orkut as first.

What is this idea of sending friendly request to someone you don’t know at all, am really asking do they really have the luxury of getting to know so many people. Some insensible ones come, admire me with so many adjectives, flirt as if they have never seen a woman in life. For your information all these men are married and well settled in life. The worst part in case you respond they go on and on. You are bombarded with nasty questions. Hey dear, what did you eat today, as if it is of any importance to them. One more thing they asked: What are you wearing today, how does it matter yaar, I don’t delete my scraps, you can check it out. Life is such to me.

Faking pride!

Something which I wanted to ask for a long time, its hitting my head hard, even if they mistake me I really don’t mind not that I don’t care of what people think but I need to mention this. What is this idea of living abroad, all those who have lived in India for so long just change when they happen to go abroad for whatever reasons, they speak as if they have been born and brought there (some cheap foreign land). One friend who has spent half her years says Chennai is superficial, what exactly is superficial. I don’t know. Why can’t you talk about the kind of living you are in, not surely the one you always enjoyed here (In India).

Also it is ridiculous when US returns talk about grocery shopping or laundry like things as if we never do it here, is it something very exciting to share? I don’t tell you I went to Murugan Idly kadai or Lifestyle for shopping. Gave 2 pants, 3 shirts and many underwears for laundry. I hate to hear these things, but the fact is what I hate the most, I hear it everyday!

I feel they people enjoy false pride or if they feel they are making me feel low or jealous, just for their information, I just laugh inside. Nothing else. Tell you it’s sometime damn humourous to watch these people making a fool of themselves. Hey there is so much of traffic, pollution, corruption, blah blah!! Aren’t you a part of all these!!!

Thinking and always thinking!

I want to stop thinking but I can never do it successfully. Why so? Also, Why are men and women different yet so alike? An age old query, nevertheless, unanswered! What's your take?

Movies that rankle in my mind

Week before last it was the Exorcism of Emily Rose, a true life story of a 19-year-old girl possessed by six demons. The movie really shook me, still can’t get over few scenes, feel very scared to go to the bathroom, the funniest part is I ask my hubby to stand outside till I finish my chores. Actually scared everyone in the office by talking about the movie.

Lakshmy, my friend yelled at me saying because of me she was not able to attend the nature’s call. Another friend and I kept watching ghost trailers. I am petrified about their very existence but I still don’t ignore them. Some weird feelings creep in when I watch those spooky stuff, do I like them or am I just wailing away the time! I really don’t know.

Last night I watched Laaga Chuneri Mein Daag, a concept which was done way back in 1970s, now rediscovered by Pradeep Sarkar. The famous Kollywood director K Balachander has done lots of movies with the same story line: The girl who sacrifices herself for the family. In short, turns a prostitute to save her family from poverty. A director who was ahead of his times.

Pradeep Sarkar has not done anything new to the movie. It actually should be named Laaga Chuneri Se Bhaag! Anyway I don’t intend to do a review of the movie, the point is after a long time I watched a night show. Great theatre, warm company and pretty Konkana.

****

Learnt few things over the weekend, my friend has come from London, we had invited him for dinner, a true friend who has been with me through thick and thin. In fact how much ever I ignore him rather try to ignore, he is one guy who puts up with me, why should be so nice to me, I am not that perfect a friend.
As we were talking about our stay in Sri Lanka, casually I had asked him about his dogs: Betty and Rocky. Rocky is a real rock star, he loves handbags and dhuppatas. He said he had given Rocky to his friend, asked whether he visited him this time, he said ‘No’ and ‘No’ because dogs when they see their old masters, they might go into a depression. Amazing that dogs are this emotional, actually I must say they are more emotional than humans. Just think about it, a dog getting depressed, I believe it will start thinking about the days it had spent with its old master and might even die. God! Love, affection and loyalty does persist, no matter what you are.

How to find out!!!

Whenever we talk about heroes and heroines, my friends in office say: So gay he looks!!! I mean how can you find that out. Is it not above our heads to pinpoint and say he is a gay and she is a lesbian. As if they all spot them doing with their respective partners. In some weird ways they do comment this way or arrive at a conclusion I suppose. I find it really difficult to react. For example: We are doing a special on Asin for her birthday, and somehow Kaavya and I started to talk about what our grandmoms like and she cutely said my grandmom likes Prithviraj (the guy who acted in Mozhi). I said yeah he is good looking, pat came her reply: So gay he looks, she really is good at commenting, amazing girl. Pause, obliging to me forehead (scratching them). Now am back, how on earth can I make out the difference, not that am keen just to at least be a part of the conversation, I need to learn and explore about lots of things in life. Am I little slow in knowing about things, how dumb one can be. Can I call it the generation gap!

Talking about Kaavya, she really is a Samathu Iyengar Ponnu. Very talented, this blog turns out to be a testimonial huh!!!. Anyway…….

Tips for women....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important he doesn't disturb when you are in a deep slumber.
6. It is important he doesn't ignore you when you need him the most.
7. It is important that these seven men don't know each other.

He he he....

A wonderful message by George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much , and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Cupid's fault

Whenever cupid tries to play naughty tricks on me, I willfully fall. Am I to be blamed or the cupid? Anyway what I wanted to tell you guys is in school and college i always looked for soul mates, so called soul mates, one starts to have thoughts about love, waiting to meet 'the one', will he be my man, so on and so forth. I remember at one time I was longing for my true love and spent half the time wondering about where he would be, would he be longing like me and share with my friends such wishy-washy stuff. They knew am a little crazy, still they encouraged me for their selfish needs, that is just killing the time with what this lady had to say about her private life. Some kick they used to get out of it and I too was a blabber mouth not that I have changed, but honestly have improved to blabber more.

To mock me, cupid played with me and I met my man on June 26, 1997. Jeez, my life just took a twist, felt as if all the happiness in the world had fallen under my feet. In fact, I always thought if ever i get married it should not be an arranged marriage, because how two different entities not knowing anything about their individualities get married and strangely make love during first night, don’t you think it is completely absurd. Can't even think about it. Well to make matters worse, sorry, to make matters easy I got married to my man. I know him for ten years and god has given him the strength to put up with me all these years. I guess God has been very generous as he mustered all the courage and patience to put up with a freako like me. Pause..... Prayed and thanked the almighty for showing me the right person, how i wish he had to say the same things about me too. May be he too has some blog or something where he has penned whatever he has felt and is feeling about his lady love or lady luck!!!! Many years have gone, I am still beaming so much so that I wish I could kick myself to get my head back straight... so this what loves does to you huh!!!

Missing Childhood

How I wish I could be six or seven or eight years old, I miss my childhood dearly. Those are the days where one can be themselves no matter what people think about you, mostly they wouldn’t bother you much as we do not fall into their radar.

You know what I miss most about being a kid? Laughing at the top of my lungs, running without any inhibitions, falling without embarrassment, eating anything I wanted, having meals ready on the table without me having to think about it, digging grass and hunting for bugs and worms, collecting marbles and shells by the shore, getting pampered when I fell sick, mom's fingers running through my hair to put me to sleep, waking up excited about a new day, exploring just about anything, having fights for many petty things and not worrying about wearing a white tee-shirt and getting soaked, fighting over a toy, chair, TV (the only thing that has not changed is the fight for the TV, opponent now is my son) and then getting bored of it and sharing cookies, loving going to school (that am not sure about, because I used to detest going) using my imagination, thinking love was a funny word more than ‘funny’ something which can’t be uttered as it is supposed to be sinful and not being afraid of anything in life!...

Realistic laws that Mr N forgot

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The puzzle in ‘her’ life

On a hot afternoon in Chennai, one would like to just switch on the television, AC and munch something but I am here to tell my story. The scriptwriter, protagonist, music director of this mega serial – That is me - is here to discuss what exactly she is and what she is up to and the strategies she implements for mere survival. She does not want to publicise her serial I mean the story but felt like penning it, for reasons best known to the protagonist.

What Am I: Born and brought up in a upper middle class Brahmin family, she has got mostly what she wanted, nothing to crib about, but her childhood days were not peaceful and happy as the one she currently is enjoying. Did schooling, graduated first class, learnt computers, journalism and finally fell in love. Loved him to the core, still love him, went for job to escape from home and could meet him also. Point to be noted, the heroine in this mega serial was house arrested for a couple of months, friends managed to bail her out, thanks to them. How she wished she had a twin-sister, who could do everything for her and finally the heroine manages to get all the fame and glory. Something like Dr Jekyll and My Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson.

Many twists and turns in her life, I meant in the serial, I repeat, I don’t wish to sell them to Sun TV, Jaya TV or Vijay TV, I believe this will be another Junoon in the making if they ever read it. Hopefully Huh! There is always been inconsistency in her life, both happiness and sorrow come and go as if they have taken her on a lease. I know happiness is short-lived that doesn’t mean every time she goes through a joyful phase, sadness waits to pounce on her within a short period.

What she wanted to do, yes without complaining, she did for few years and now what she is doing is absolutely driven her bizerk. Senior copy editor in Sify.Com. Where she edits copies, media, visuals and help conceptualise ideas for content generation, do specials and of course not to mention the slideshows I do which promotes Hollywood and Bollywood skin. Honestly, she has become numb to such images, I mean really insensitive huh! And, you know something, content is king in today’s world.

Genuinely, someday she knows she will be doing what she wanted to do, waiting for that day. I mean professional passions.

At home, she is a loving and caring mother, a dutiful wife, welcomes her husband with a smile even when he makes it a point to come home late EVERYDAY! Of course, he makes up by taking the heroine out and getting her whatever she wants. This is just an introduction, if I have the mood the serial will have many episodes to come or it may just be one part. Wait and watch.